Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Let's be honest. I've never been a writer. I'm all about the numbers, my mind works mathematically. That's just how I'm programmed, I now see this demonstrated in my life daily. If I don't have my wrist watch I feel lost. No day is complete if I don't find myself reaching for a calculator to determine the answer to something not related to school. For example the other day I was wondering if I wanted to make 1,000 paper cranes in a month how many would I have to make in a day, but what if I get my roommate involved? How long does it take me to make one crane on average?... so when I'm done I'll have devoted how many hours to making these paper cranes? Seriously? Let's just say that plan is now on hold.

Getting back to the point of why I've never been a writer, I find it difficult and uncomfortable to deal with feelings. I can never seem to summon the perfect word to describe my mood.
When someone asks me "How are you?" (as they do countless time in a day) my mathematical mind immediately begins churning, I want to give them that one right answer, but this answer also has to be true, but also interesting, and quick because I'm probably passing this person on my way to class or something. My brain is overwhelmed...I can't find the answer. So what do I tell them? "Fine." Sometimes I hate this question so much I just fire it right back at them. "How are you?" Most of the time they hardly realize I didn't answer, because let's face it, their mind had already expected me to utter fine (or a similar response). I just found this really cool fact and it involves numbers, go figure!
"The average person tells 4 lies a day, or 1460 a year, a total of 87,600 by the age of 60.
And the most common lie is: I'm fine."
That rant was just to prove how difficult it is for me to answer even the simplest question regarding feelings. So I guess it is safe to say I had this perception in my mind of feelings and writing being connected....which I'd venture to say most people would agree is true.
Recently I've come to realize the power and effect words can have, and I've been intrigued to explore this area. I'm not as strong as I lead myself to believe. I have feelings and I'm tired of keeping them in my head, and writing seems to be a pretty organized and yet unstructured way to get them out. It's more one of those things you just have to write out, even if no one ever sees it. As odd as it sounds to me, I'm getting to know myself better through this process.

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